What I Choose When I Choose Not to Have Kids
On Childfreedom and the Pursuit of Artistic Realization
Forewarning: I will not be justifying any wild, weird, woo-woo spiritual claims made in this post.
And why should I?
Childfree women like myself are constantly asked why we’re not having kids, then goaded to justify our decision, only to be met with pre-loaded accusations of selfishness, immaturity and incompetence — as if we must have A Good Enough Reason for a personal decision that literally effects nobody, and as if we must grovel for the approval of every rando who asks.
I used to keep a mental folder of “reasons,” ready to justify myself at a moment’s notice. Back when I believed in climate change, I’d appeal to that. Other times, I might blame the economy. Sometimes I’d vulnerably admit that I’m a Highly Sensitive Person and find kids unbearably overstimulating.
But regardless of my approach, it was always a waste of breath, because I’d get “Bingo’d” anyway:
Eventually, I realized that I had only come up with “reasons” in anticipation of these casually cruel judgments.
But the truth is, I’ve just never felt it. My choice to be childfree is actually more like a non-choice.
When women describe “ovulating” at the sight of a cute baby, I have no freaking idea what they’re on about. It’s like they’re describing an alien phenomenon, like a craving for couch stuffing or something:
Not once have I looked at a baby, or imagined one, and thought, “I want one of my own.” And I’m turning 32 this year, so. 🤷🏽♀️🤸🏽
Anyway, back to the point: At long last, I’m just done justifying my choice to not-have kids (which, I’ll remind you again, affects nobody).
So why this essay?
Well, recently, I’ve felt… pushed, to finally speak up against the naked hostility towards childfree women I’ve been seeing on social media.
I don’t know how or why, but recently, I’ve seen more posts than usual by mothers
blatantly insulting women like me (“selfish!” “waste of a uterus!” etc.), or
covertly insulting us (by insinuating that we’re “still in our Maiden phase” and don’t know what real Responsibility is)
So I figure if parents can give themselves permission to say off-the-wall non-sense like the above without justifying themselves, then I can say whatever I want too, without justifying myself!
Without further ado, here are just some of my ideas about childfreedom, the spiritual ramifications of reproduction, and some ~cute little things I’ve noticed~ about my friends who’ve become parents.
“Reproductive” Organs?
All organs have a physical function and a metaphysical function. But most people are only aware of the physical.
For example, when you tell someone that humans have the potential to be breatharians, they’ll usually say something like, “Then why do we have a stomach?”
Most people can’t imagine what a stomach could be “for,” if not digestion — that is, until they learn how to fast from physical food. Only when tuned into their “empty” stomach can they begin to feel how the stomach is not empty at all! When emptied of food, you can feel your stomach digesting subtle energies. That’s why a “gut instinct” is called such. Your stomach is a psychic information processing center!
And have you ever wondered why so many “schizophrenics” claim that their teeth are being targeted by weaponized frequencies? Turns out the teeth are, indeed, energetic antennae. Like dolphins, our teeth can help us pick up on subtle vibrations.
You can become sensitive to the metaphysical function of any organ by tuning into it when it seems to be “inactive.” This is how I figured out that my womb is where my Art comes from.
I’ve learned the most about my artistic capacity during long stretches of celibacy when my womanhood is “not in use” — at least not in the physical realm. Spiritually, though? I become incredibly fertile and receptive to inspiration for all kinds of Art, to the point where I feel… pregnant?? Like there’s something gestating inside of me??? I’m serious!!!
Lots of men who practice “no fap” and “semen retention” can attest to the feeling of lust becoming artistic fuel when it’s not being expended through sex:
Thus, I am deeply amused by how frequently I’m described as having “child-bearing hips” — as if a wide pelvis can serve one function only, and that is to physically carry a baby.
If you could see a person’s sexual organs metaphysically, you’d see what ancient spiritual doctors, astrophysiognomists, and shamans have been seeing for ages: Sexual energy and creative/artistic energy are the same energy.
It’s a little-known fact that the feeling of lust — which most people unconsciously obey, calling it a “biological compulsion” to conceive children — can actually be transmuted upwards to assist in spiritual endeavors like astral projection, endogenous psychedelic experiences, and Art-Making.
Furthermore, when a woman has wide hips, metaphysically speaking, this indicates that she has a vast creative capacity THAT IS NOT LIMITED TO standard biological reproduction.
So I prefer to think of my hips as “Art-Bearing hips” 😘
What I Choose When I Choose Not to Have Children
When I choose not to have children, I am choosing a life of total devotion to my Art.
Total.
Devotion.
To Art.
All I want to do is create, create, create. If I’m not writing an essay or book, I’m producing an album. When I’m not doing that, I’m sewing a dress, or painting magickal hypersigils, or sitting in the park dressed as an angel, reminding people they can literally fly.
Art is my lifeblood. It is my reason. My purpose.
I have big ambitions, big goals, big visions… and I cannot accomplish any of them if I become a mother. Full stop.
Sure, it may be possible (theoretically? maybe? sort-of?) to have kids and be an Artist-with-a-capital-A. But personally, I have never seen a person become a fully-realized Artist while raising kids.
The choice seems to be between expelling one’s sexual/creative energy downward into the material world into the form of physical progeny (and continuing to direct that energy downward towards the child’s material development for the rest of their dependency),
OR,
raising the sexual energy upward towards a Vision from the higher planes, in order to bring a more abstract, symbolic creation (Art) into form.
Rare is the human who can effectively, fluidly, masterfully, do both.
I mean, come on. You know this. I know this. We all know this.
How many times have you seen a former-musician have kids, and then sign up their kid for piano lessons in the not-so-secret hope that their kid will pick up where they left off, all whilst reminiscing about their golden era of being in a band?
How many times have you seen former-actors living vicariously through their kids’ starring role in a school play, obviously externalizing something unresolved in their own psyche?
The frenemy who once told me she’s “jealous” (her word, not mine) of my creative output, is now gloating that her baby is the greatest Art she’s ever made —
and I’m supposed to politely pretend I don’t see a connection between those two things.
Another former friend who used to make (really amazing!!!) music has since scrubbed her project from the internet, and now seethes on her mommy-blog about people who “waste their lives on selfish pursuits” (again, her words, not mine) —
and I’m supposed to hold my tongue while she devalues the same artistry she tried, and failed, to achieve.
The phrase “thou doth protest too much” comes to mind.
Making Art-Babies
I’m not one to romanticize the past, but it seems that, generally, we used to understand that full-time Artists were necessary to the health of society over all. Per Wikipedia: “In the history of art, art patronage refers to the support that princes, popes, and other wealthy and influential people have provided to artists such as musicians, painters, and sculptors.”
Michaelangelo was one such artist, who was paid to paint murals full-time. Though he never produced a biological legacy, his undeniably impressive artistic legacy endures to this day.
India had its tradition of Devadasis, who kept the arts alive by marrying God, never having kids, and living in temples practicing traditional dances. Considering India’s enduring livewire current of highly skilled artistry, I wonder if those arts would’ve survived if not for these professionally childfree women.
And it’s funny that a go-to argument for Compulsory Parenthood is “What if your kid grew up to cure cancer?” because Ludwig van Beethoven’s music can be considered a form of cancer therapy — and he never had kids. It was his art-baby, not a biological baby, that found the cure for cancer. Turns out, that cure is music:
The Death of Art = The Death of Society
The devaluation of artists is precisely why our collective is suffering from depression and anxiety en masse. Where is the beauty? The opulence? The sensuality? The aesthetic glory?
The severe drought of willfully-applied artistry is woefully apparent in every detail of modern life:
I’m sick of staying quiet while some parents lambast childfree people, as if our other contributions to society “don’t count,” or as if Art-Making isn’t, in its own way, very challenging, noble, meaningful work.
Just look around at the modern world, devastatingly devoid of Art, and you will see that humanity has always NEEDED Artists — not just people who doodle or sing at open mics on weekends, but passionately, obsessively, worshipfully devoted Artists whose Highest Calling is to Create, Express, Channel, Beautify, and In-Spire (literally: “breathe the breath of life into”).
Humanity needs Symbol-Shamans who walk between worlds, bridging the imaginal plane with this physical plane.
Humanity needs Creators who glorify God with their ever-refined skills and talents.
Humanity needs Embodied Archetypes who express deep-dark subconscious processes so that the Collective does not get consumed by its own Shadows.
Without Artists, there is no culture — and without culture, though we may “create life” in the form of babies, we are all as good as dead.
No Competition
A guy once asked me, sincerely, to describe “what it’s like” to have a creative impulse. He had never felt inspired to make art before, and was mystified by my perpetual compulsion to write, sing, etc.
So, just as I can’t imagine what women mean when they say their “biological clock is ticking,” evidently some people can’t imagine what it’s like to have intense “creative impulses” that wake them up at all hours of the night, demanding they create Art NOW!!!
And that’s okay.
As much as I want to bite back at all the vicious, mean-spirited judgments I’ve faced as a childfree woman, I refuse to stoop to the level of counter-attacking parents with “anti-natalist” sentiments.
I recognize that some people are called to birth and raise children, to heal ancestral wounds through conscious parenting choices, and do that hard work.
So I’m not suggesting that a childfree life is automatically more fulfilling, or more important, than biological parenthood.
I’m saying Art is also hard work. I’m saying Art is also important. I’m saying my contribution to this world may not be bio-logical, but it is still bio-essential — essential to LIFE.
I don’t see why this needs to be a competition, and I don’t see why some parents feel the need to exalt their own choice by putting childfree people down. In my experience, it’s never the people who are truly secure with their choice who attack other people’s choices.
I believe we can coexist. We should. We must. The world needs childfree people — and not for fear-based reasons like “overpopulation” (which I don’t even believe in), but for the beautiful simple fact that everyone in this world is designed to play a different role.
❤️
In closing: If you’re a childfree person who has felt that irrational, unjustifiable “biological compulsion” to make Art, I see you. I know you. I love you. Please, make your Art. Make it with your whole heart and body and soul. Make it for the sake of itself.
We need your Art. We need you.
Before you watch that dance ^, think of something you’re afraid of, or something you’re grieving. Then let this magickian-artist, this shaman-dancer, dance your pain and fear away with his mastery over vibrations.
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I'd never heard the term "childfree" before, but I'll happily claim it.
"My choice to be childfree is actually more like a non-choice."
This is how it happened for Michael and me. We never even discussed children as a possibility because our love for one another was all-consuming, and children would have inevitably taken time and attention away from each other.
"When I choose not to have children, I am choosing a life of total devotion to my Art. Total. Devotion. To Art. All I want to do is create, create, create."
THIS IS EXACTLY US. Our creative and cocreative projects were our progeny, and we knew we couldn't fulfill our creative purpose in life if we'd had children.
We didn't even seek out cats, but when they chose us over the years, we gratefully welcomed them into our lives, and they enriched and expanded our love for one another, so perhaps that's how some parents feel about human children. But they don't demand all of our time and attention, so we get the joy of profound connection with beings we care for without having to sacrifice our purpose in life.
The only two times I regretted not having children, briefly, were when my grandma (https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/whats-in-a-name) died and when Michael died. But I also knew I could not do what I was put on this earth to do every waking and sleeping second if children had been the center of my life, so it was just a passing regret.
As a young boy I had a powerful spiritual experience! Later in life, I had others! I have spent most of my life focused on those events and their meaning! Like you, I have never had the drive for family. I am glad for children and families and love their company now and again!