There is some anecdotal evidence to support your position. Both Kate Bush and Laura Nyro, both exceptional writers and recording artists, had their artistic heyday before they became mothers, and then ceased to be productive in terms of music, by and large. Arguably, the work of Tori Amos was substantially more inspired before her motherhood, after which it lost a lot of its edge and became substantially mellower.
All three women made unbelievably interesting, daring, courageous music prior to motherhood, and then apparently no longer had any, or the same level of, desire to devote their life-force energy to art creation.
Another exceptional songwriter is Lana del Rey, whose albums since Norman F__king Rockwell! (2019) have been incredible, as is the intensity and frequency of her release schedule. She's now married -- whether her artistic trajectory remains as it has been should she have children remains to be seen.
For men, and in terms of classical composers, there doesn't seem to be the same dichotomy at work. Or rather, I notice an absence of correlation.
The one notable exception in music to the apparent dichotomy of "children OR productive art career" is Johann Sebastian Bach, who was as prolific in terms of fathering children as he was in terms of writing amazing, wonderful, artful music. (Three of whom went on to be notable composers in their own right, so Bach senior was apparently an amazing role model and teacher to his children, too.)
Johannes Brahms also chose a child-free composer's career, rejecting the advances of Clara Schumann after she was widowed. So he has that in common with Beethoven. Mozart had six children. As did many others in the classical canon.
So a cursory glance at male music artists doesn't seem to reveal the same degree of correlation between focusing their creative energies in the direction of art vs. having children as it seems to be the case for women.
There seems to be a percentage of men and women who simply have no innate desire to have children. Spiritually speaking, it is probably a pre-incarnational intention, very clearly reflected in your complete absence of desire. If this thought resonates with you, then more power to you, and I salute your courage to live true to your true intentions for this life cycle.
The depravity we create from our mostly bungled ego living makes a Kali Yuga be the Kali Yuga it is. "Forgive them for they know not what they do"
Thank God for there being different roads to choose from 🙏🏼😌 and for how we each bless one another with what we create as we wander in awe along them 👏🏻💖
I'd never heard the term "childfree" before, but I'll happily claim it.
"My choice to be childfree is actually more like a non-choice."
This is how it happened for Michael and me. We never even discussed children as a possibility because our love for one another was all-consuming, and children would have inevitably taken time and attention away from each other.
"When I choose not to have children, I am choosing a life of total devotion to my Art. Total. Devotion. To Art. All I want to do is create, create, create."
THIS IS EXACTLY US. Our creative and cocreative projects were our progeny, and we knew we couldn't fulfill our creative purpose in life if we'd had children.
We didn't even seek out cats, but when they chose us over the years, we gratefully welcomed them into our lives, and they enriched and expanded our love for one another, so perhaps that's how some parents feel about human children. But they don't demand all of our time and attention, so we get the joy of profound connection with beings we care for without having to sacrifice our purpose in life.
The only two times I regretted not having children, briefly, were when my grandma (https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/whats-in-a-name) died and when Michael died. But I also knew I could not do what I was put on this earth to do every waking and sleeping second if children had been the center of my life, so it was just a passing regret.
That's how I feel about my cat too! She receives all my affection and fulfills my need for cuddles, but I still feel like I can focus on my art without the guilt of occasionally taking my focus off her (in fact, sometimes she beats me to it and takes her focus off me first 🤣 Oh, cats.) I'm so glad to hear that you and Michael shared the bliss of creative harmony with each other while he was here in this realm, and you've reminded me that after my favorite artist Genesis P-Orridge lost his wife Lady Jaye to cancer, he said their art project "Breyer P-Orridge" (an endeavor to merge COMPLETELY with each other in every aspect) had now become an "interdimensional collaboration." I find that so beautiful. I'm sure you and Michael are continuing to create together, and that the world is better for it 🥰
Beautifully expressed. The questions never really end, when I did make the leap to have a child it then becomes "are you only having just one ?? they will be soo lonely ." Or "two, well they will fight, sibling rivalry " etc etc. I don't think most people mean things too negatively but it does / did get tiresome.
But seriously, I have big hips and it was something everyone commented on after I had gone through puberty (not adults thankfully, just friends) so it's something I'm hyper-aware of. I've also had a notion that perhaps I came here to the lifetime to make art, so I thank you for drawing this connection.
Well, now I want to cry. I am exactly like you have described here, but I think that would probably come as no surprise to you.
My whole life I never wanted kids and my whole life I have been madly driven to create in many different forms, whether that is my vinyl art collages, poetry, writing, singing, music, dancing, acting, etc.
When I was speaking to my astrologer in a consultation a few weeks ago, he kept noting several indicators of pregnancy and birthing, but he also knows I’m almost finished with a full length album and he said, (who is rather traditional himself), “well, I suppose this album Is Like your child, correct?“.
So I heavily resonate with everything you have said. I am 35 years old now. And I should not feel shame in disclosing my age and I think the reason why so many of us do is for all the reasons you outlined in this article.
I never followed the status quo. I never wanted to.
But yes, I have felt the societal wrath of not falling in line. So much to the point where I feel I have to justify why I’m not married with the fact of “my former fiancé died” which is true, but wtf, I shouldn’t have to say that. It’s also more complicated than that.
nobody who is actually fulfilled in what they are doing in their life tries to convince anyone else to do what they are also doing. Misery loves company, but bliss minds its own business.
At the end of the day, I believe everybody should fuck off and leave everybody free to be themselves. Much love to you.
"Misery loves company, but bliss minds its own business." That is A WORD. I'm getting emotional too, now. I already lost some subscribers since this went live, and I can't help but assume some feelings were hurt. But didn't these people originally follow me for my art? So why would they be upset that I'm writing about how my purpose is to make art? I was sitting here wondering if maybe I'd crossed a line, sounded *too* woo-woo (I wonder this every time I say ANYTHING spiritual, LOL), and now here's your comment to reassure me that we're not alone, there's nothing wrong with us, we just have a different role to play in this world. Thank you. And I am so sorry that anyone has ever felt entitled to make you defend your life choices & relive your losses, as if your worth is contingent on *their* approval or your pain exists for them to judge. I hope they find their inner peace, and moreover, I hope they come to appreciate the radiant artistry you've been blessing us all with. Again, thank you. So much love right back to you <3
Of course and thank you. 🙏 I relate to this 1000% and it’s a very under-vocalized experience IMO. People will get triggered - the internet is like if a psych ward brought in a bunch of fun house circus mirrors — and ppl are extra reactive right now anyway - everyone’s mad about something. It’s never really the real thing though. The more authentic we get the more aligned we get with our tribe so if someone leaves, someone else is coming. I hope you have a beautiful week with your bestie ❤️🙏❤️
That's fine. Not every person is meant to have children. It doesn't make you any less a person.
It doesn't make you selfish. It just means that you will not cast yourself into the future, and that your line ends with you.
That, too, is a deeply personal thing, of which I have no say.
The only people who can naysay you are yourself and the cosmos.
My line will end with me, for reasons that I have no control over. My heritage will be passed along through adoption, and I can only hope that I am remembered.
Great post....and... I felt similar to you but when I turned 44 the urge began and brought up vast emotions to face as a woman and the indoctrination, propaganda and attacks on the womb...pain that had to be channeled...this is an important topic. Women that have wanted children but were victims of the pHarma system feel a longing that can never be fulfilled and must learn to choose a different life....women that don't want children still have to learn to clear the womb of distortions and static to create from the alchemical cup without belonging to the world's perceived club of motherhood...but for me, 49 now, I've learned that I am still a mother, maybe not to a human child, but in many other ways and when we can embrace this in ourselves and the collective, when we can see the mother in us, even if barren, even if choosing differently, we can heal individually and collectively as women. Every woman is a maiden, mother crone....but each must pick up the missing pieces and claim them and from this recognition, the cauldron of life circulates, radiates and empowers our most pure and luscious creations of contradiction into its whole, a whole that was fragmented, as evident by the things people say you mentioned in your article.
As a young boy I had a powerful spiritual experience! Later in life, I had others! I have spent most of my life focused on those events and their meaning! Like you, I have never had the drive for family. I am glad for children and families and love their company now and again!
There is some anecdotal evidence to support your position. Both Kate Bush and Laura Nyro, both exceptional writers and recording artists, had their artistic heyday before they became mothers, and then ceased to be productive in terms of music, by and large. Arguably, the work of Tori Amos was substantially more inspired before her motherhood, after which it lost a lot of its edge and became substantially mellower.
All three women made unbelievably interesting, daring, courageous music prior to motherhood, and then apparently no longer had any, or the same level of, desire to devote their life-force energy to art creation.
Another exceptional songwriter is Lana del Rey, whose albums since Norman F__king Rockwell! (2019) have been incredible, as is the intensity and frequency of her release schedule. She's now married -- whether her artistic trajectory remains as it has been should she have children remains to be seen.
For men, and in terms of classical composers, there doesn't seem to be the same dichotomy at work. Or rather, I notice an absence of correlation.
The one notable exception in music to the apparent dichotomy of "children OR productive art career" is Johann Sebastian Bach, who was as prolific in terms of fathering children as he was in terms of writing amazing, wonderful, artful music. (Three of whom went on to be notable composers in their own right, so Bach senior was apparently an amazing role model and teacher to his children, too.)
Johannes Brahms also chose a child-free composer's career, rejecting the advances of Clara Schumann after she was widowed. So he has that in common with Beethoven. Mozart had six children. As did many others in the classical canon.
So a cursory glance at male music artists doesn't seem to reveal the same degree of correlation between focusing their creative energies in the direction of art vs. having children as it seems to be the case for women.
There seems to be a percentage of men and women who simply have no innate desire to have children. Spiritually speaking, it is probably a pre-incarnational intention, very clearly reflected in your complete absence of desire. If this thought resonates with you, then more power to you, and I salute your courage to live true to your true intentions for this life cycle.
Christ, Buddha and I assume Lao Tzu did Not have children.
Wonder what that says about their philosophies?
The depravity we create from our mostly bungled ego living makes a Kali Yuga be the Kali Yuga it is. "Forgive them for they know not what they do"
Thank God for there being different roads to choose from 🙏🏼😌 and for how we each bless one another with what we create as we wander in awe along them 👏🏻💖
https://youtu.be/3ZZHNo4HRlg?feature=shared
was drawn straight to this. Hope it helps others see/consider a new view
Ok. So you do you.
I'd never heard the term "childfree" before, but I'll happily claim it.
"My choice to be childfree is actually more like a non-choice."
This is how it happened for Michael and me. We never even discussed children as a possibility because our love for one another was all-consuming, and children would have inevitably taken time and attention away from each other.
"When I choose not to have children, I am choosing a life of total devotion to my Art. Total. Devotion. To Art. All I want to do is create, create, create."
THIS IS EXACTLY US. Our creative and cocreative projects were our progeny, and we knew we couldn't fulfill our creative purpose in life if we'd had children.
We didn't even seek out cats, but when they chose us over the years, we gratefully welcomed them into our lives, and they enriched and expanded our love for one another, so perhaps that's how some parents feel about human children. But they don't demand all of our time and attention, so we get the joy of profound connection with beings we care for without having to sacrifice our purpose in life.
The only two times I regretted not having children, briefly, were when my grandma (https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/whats-in-a-name) died and when Michael died. But I also knew I could not do what I was put on this earth to do every waking and sleeping second if children had been the center of my life, so it was just a passing regret.
That's how I feel about my cat too! She receives all my affection and fulfills my need for cuddles, but I still feel like I can focus on my art without the guilt of occasionally taking my focus off her (in fact, sometimes she beats me to it and takes her focus off me first 🤣 Oh, cats.) I'm so glad to hear that you and Michael shared the bliss of creative harmony with each other while he was here in this realm, and you've reminded me that after my favorite artist Genesis P-Orridge lost his wife Lady Jaye to cancer, he said their art project "Breyer P-Orridge" (an endeavor to merge COMPLETELY with each other in every aspect) had now become an "interdimensional collaboration." I find that so beautiful. I'm sure you and Michael are continuing to create together, and that the world is better for it 🥰
That's so beautiful, Alicen. Thank you 😭💔💞
Beautifully expressed. The questions never really end, when I did make the leap to have a child it then becomes "are you only having just one ?? they will be soo lonely ." Or "two, well they will fight, sibling rivalry " etc etc. I don't think most people mean things too negatively but it does / did get tiresome.
ART BEARING HIPS 👏👏👏
But seriously, I have big hips and it was something everyone commented on after I had gone through puberty (not adults thankfully, just friends) so it's something I'm hyper-aware of. I've also had a notion that perhaps I came here to the lifetime to make art, so I thank you for drawing this connection.
Well, now I want to cry. I am exactly like you have described here, but I think that would probably come as no surprise to you.
My whole life I never wanted kids and my whole life I have been madly driven to create in many different forms, whether that is my vinyl art collages, poetry, writing, singing, music, dancing, acting, etc.
When I was speaking to my astrologer in a consultation a few weeks ago, he kept noting several indicators of pregnancy and birthing, but he also knows I’m almost finished with a full length album and he said, (who is rather traditional himself), “well, I suppose this album Is Like your child, correct?“.
So I heavily resonate with everything you have said. I am 35 years old now. And I should not feel shame in disclosing my age and I think the reason why so many of us do is for all the reasons you outlined in this article.
I never followed the status quo. I never wanted to.
But yes, I have felt the societal wrath of not falling in line. So much to the point where I feel I have to justify why I’m not married with the fact of “my former fiancé died” which is true, but wtf, I shouldn’t have to say that. It’s also more complicated than that.
nobody who is actually fulfilled in what they are doing in their life tries to convince anyone else to do what they are also doing. Misery loves company, but bliss minds its own business.
At the end of the day, I believe everybody should fuck off and leave everybody free to be themselves. Much love to you.
"Misery loves company, but bliss minds its own business." That is A WORD. I'm getting emotional too, now. I already lost some subscribers since this went live, and I can't help but assume some feelings were hurt. But didn't these people originally follow me for my art? So why would they be upset that I'm writing about how my purpose is to make art? I was sitting here wondering if maybe I'd crossed a line, sounded *too* woo-woo (I wonder this every time I say ANYTHING spiritual, LOL), and now here's your comment to reassure me that we're not alone, there's nothing wrong with us, we just have a different role to play in this world. Thank you. And I am so sorry that anyone has ever felt entitled to make you defend your life choices & relive your losses, as if your worth is contingent on *their* approval or your pain exists for them to judge. I hope they find their inner peace, and moreover, I hope they come to appreciate the radiant artistry you've been blessing us all with. Again, thank you. So much love right back to you <3
Of course and thank you. 🙏 I relate to this 1000% and it’s a very under-vocalized experience IMO. People will get triggered - the internet is like if a psych ward brought in a bunch of fun house circus mirrors — and ppl are extra reactive right now anyway - everyone’s mad about something. It’s never really the real thing though. The more authentic we get the more aligned we get with our tribe so if someone leaves, someone else is coming. I hope you have a beautiful week with your bestie ❤️🙏❤️
That's fine. Not every person is meant to have children. It doesn't make you any less a person.
It doesn't make you selfish. It just means that you will not cast yourself into the future, and that your line ends with you.
That, too, is a deeply personal thing, of which I have no say.
The only people who can naysay you are yourself and the cosmos.
My line will end with me, for reasons that I have no control over. My heritage will be passed along through adoption, and I can only hope that I am remembered.
Great post....and... I felt similar to you but when I turned 44 the urge began and brought up vast emotions to face as a woman and the indoctrination, propaganda and attacks on the womb...pain that had to be channeled...this is an important topic. Women that have wanted children but were victims of the pHarma system feel a longing that can never be fulfilled and must learn to choose a different life....women that don't want children still have to learn to clear the womb of distortions and static to create from the alchemical cup without belonging to the world's perceived club of motherhood...but for me, 49 now, I've learned that I am still a mother, maybe not to a human child, but in many other ways and when we can embrace this in ourselves and the collective, when we can see the mother in us, even if barren, even if choosing differently, we can heal individually and collectively as women. Every woman is a maiden, mother crone....but each must pick up the missing pieces and claim them and from this recognition, the cauldron of life circulates, radiates and empowers our most pure and luscious creations of contradiction into its whole, a whole that was fragmented, as evident by the things people say you mentioned in your article.
As a young boy I had a powerful spiritual experience! Later in life, I had others! I have spent most of my life focused on those events and their meaning! Like you, I have never had the drive for family. I am glad for children and families and love their company now and again!