How Deep The Matrix Goes
They'd make you their slave in a heartbeat.
To all the paranoid schizophrenics I’ve ever rolled my eyes at as they earnestly begged me — begged everyone! — to see that the entire world is a “control system,” a “loosh farm,” a soul-recycling Matrix, actual Hell…
…I humbly ask your forgiveness.
Forgive my ignorance. Forgive my dismissals. Forgive my complicity in your torture. Please.
You were right all along, and I see it now.
There’s not a place to turn in this world where someone isn’t trying to control you.
It’s even worse than The Matrix depicts it. There need not be an occulted adjustment bureau pulling strings from behind the scenes…
…because the Matrix is other people.
Normal, ordinary-ass people.
Your aunt Joanne. Your coworker Barry. Your childhood bestie Maria.
Almost every bleeding idiot on this planet is an Agent Smith, ready to pull you back into the slime of spiritual sleepfulness the moment you let your guard down.
They’d slit your throat and swill your blood if they knew they could get away with it.
They’d make you their slave in a heartbeat.
The Slave-Driver Shadow
Dramatic? Yes. Paranoid? Possibly.
But hear me out.
As I take greater responsibility for my life, making choices that people deem unconventional, it becomes more and more clear to me that most people have an intense, albeit subconscious, desire to control others — in every imaginable way.
It’s like I’ve snapped out of some hypnotic stupor only to find, with horror, that almost everyone around me has been trying, tirelessly, to exert some level of authority over my choices, no matter how small or personal the choice in question.
And it’s subtle as hell.
“You eat your steak well-done? That’s so gross.”
“You painted your bedroom pink? That’s kind of childish.”
“You’re a barista? You should be an entrepreneur instead!”
It seems that any degree of social involvement in this world requires nonstop self-justification, explaining one’s choices ceaselessly to strangers and loved ones alike—none of whose lives are affected in any way whatsoever by these choices!!!
That’s the part I can’t get over! Why do so many people even bother offering an incessant onslaught of unsolicited “advice,” or casting judgments on others’ choices, when the outcomes of those choices have nothing to do with them?!
Evolutionary psychologists will explain-away this phenomenon as ultimately beneficial to the advancement of our species. Without social cohesion, they theorize, our culture would simply fall apart.
But I sense something far more sinister beneath it.
My theory is that, deep down in the shadows of the psyche, people want control — and I mean slave-driver levels of control.
Control of how you act. How you talk. How you think. Look. Eat. Breathe. Sleep…
…and on, and on, and on.
They’d never admit that with every seemingly-innocuous exertion of control, they’re seeking authority-over, power-over, mastery-over.
As if they’re saying:
I hate your autonomy. I hate your sovereignty.
Conform to my will.
Speak when I tell you to.
Do as I say.
Hand over your free will.
You belong to me.
The Matrix is Other People
This all-pervading control system was never more apparent to me than throughout my dramatic saga of moving to Tucson Arizona, which I (finally!) did last month.
For 12 long years, I both tried, and threatened-to, move to Tucson. I was madly in love with it. Not for any rational reason that would compel most people to move, like “The job market is great!” (it’s not), but for its enigmatic beauty. I felt called. I had many dreams. Tucson wouldn’t leave me alone.
But every time I mentioned moving to Tucson, I was met with straight-up disapproval and criticism. In those 12 long years, I don’t think a single person said anything nice.
Nobody owes it to me to be nice, I know. But some of the negativity was so over-the-top, I struggle to understand it.
One random guy — a cafe barista — heard I was moving to Tucson and immediately grimaced. “Tucson sucks!” he said, loudly and humiliatingly. He then proceeded to spend 5 minutes demeaning my choice, as if he had some personal stake in the matter.
Why?
Another woman — a volunteer at my old job — huffed with disgust and said “Lock your doors!” and then spent the rest of our exchange warning me about how Nancy Guthrie got kidnapped there.
Again: Why? Why?
You may think “Oh Alicen, she was just being protective of you!”
But this isn’t about one lady. It’s about every choice being judged by every rando and their brother John, every damn day!
This disproportionate reaction from strangers (to my PERSONAL choice that, I’ll remind you, does not affect them whatsofuckingever) exposes an all-pervading control system. A matrix. What else can it be called?
Because the fact is, I love it here!!! I’m so happy I moved here! Just as every previous visit foreshadowed, I feel so at-home here in a way I’ve never felt anywhere else. I love the food, I love the beauty of the desert, I love the quirky-mystical-artsy culture, I love it I love it I love it!!! My only regret is that I didn’t move here sooner!
Could you imagine, if I had let every dumbass’s UNINVITED opinion keep me away from this place?
Imagine how much love, joy, excitement, fun and bliss would not have been had.
Imagine how much duller and sadder the world would be, without the ripple-effect of MY radiant and invigorating fulfillment, which I FREELY chose.
That’s why the Control System, as maintained by the sleepwalking masses, is not innocent. It’s not harmless.
It’s anti-freedom. It’s anti-hope, anti-joy, anti-love.
It punishes all expressions of lifeforce, and in doing so, reveals its truest, sickest desire:
It wants you dead.
It wants you dead.
What is that, if not evil?
Truth or Consequences
I suspect that the harder people try to control others, the more internally disempowered they are.
There are some people in my life who are so controlling that I just want to shake them by the shoulders and ask, “WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN IF I DON’T DO WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO? IS THE SKY GOING TO FALL? IS THE WORLD GOING TO END? ARE YOU GOING TO DIE?!”
Actually, I did ask my mom these questions, a few months ago. And she just stared blankly at me, unable to think of an answer.
But I can think of one:
Jealousy could be a major driving factor in this mass-control phenomenon. Maybe the sleepwalking Agent Smiths of this Matrix hate Free Will because it reminds them of how they’ve failed to exercise their own. After all, the biggest haters tend to be the ones who wish they were living your life!
Think of how many people are living lives they regret. They deeply fear social rejection, so they take every suggestion, no matter the source. They conform to every criticism. They know that their entire life, from their house to their spouse, was implicitly chosen by other people — and God, how this fact haunts them!
If all of these people were to admit to themselves that they regret everything, they might not be able to handle the sheer horror of how deeply they’ve betrayed themselves, how much time they’ve wasted, and so on.
It’s much easier to stop other people from being free, isn’t it? — so they don’t have to be confronted by the contrast between your joy and their misery.
Do As Thou Wilt Shall Be The Whole of the Law
I’m not a Thelemite. Far from it. But I think I’m starting to see the value in the whole “Do What Thou Wilt” thing.
The more I free myself — choosing the lover, city, and career path that I want, regardless of who says what — I see how necessary it is to have a strong WILL.
Willpower means making a way, when there seems to be no way. Willpower means going for it, instead of waiting forever for permission from distant, silent, judgmental gods.
Willpower is what saves you from the Matrix. Willpower is your ticket out of slavery.
So I’ll turn my questioning, now, away from the aspiring slave-drivers… and onto the slaves.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN, IF YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?
IS THE SKY GOING TO FALL?
IS THE WORLD GOING TO END?
ARE YOU GOING TO DIE?
I tell you a Truth: The answer may be “yes” to all of those.
So mere Willpower is not enough. You must also be radically responsible — ready to accept any and every consequence of your choices.
An-Archy = Free of Archons
In discourses on Free Will, a common critique is that “If you let everyone do what they want, people would just kill each other!”
And yeah, the ramifications of Anarchy/Free Will can’t be satisfyingly addressed in one Substack post.
But I can say this much: We already live in a Free Will universe. Nothing is actually stopping people from killing each other right now.
Whatever safeguards you think exist, do not exist. You are not safe. You never have been.
I think this Truth might be too scary for most people — hence all the energy poured into maintaining the illusion of the comfy-cozy control system.
So once you’re ready to reckon with the reality of your eternal Free Will, it helps to also accept the eternal consequences of your actions.
I don’t mean that in a Heaven/Hell sense. I mean you cannot escape having some sort of effect on reality. Reality itself is one giant ongoing effect of your state of being (the original cause), and this has always been the case, and will continue to be the case, forever.
So take on the consequences. Disappoint your parents. Piss off your friends. Horrify your neighbors.
You can’t control them anyway. You can only control you.
Be willing to stand alone, be stared at, be gossiped about, ridiculed, rejected, despised.
And if you’re feeling really brave, absorb them into yourself.
Remember your Oneness with your critics, your haters, your adversaries. Take radical responsibility for them, too.
There is no Antagonist to fight, but your own Shadow.
“There is no antagonist, enemy, or demon outside of yourself. Dig out the enemy in the most hidden recesses of your Being, and conquer him. There are no thousands of enemies, there is only one, and there is also only one victory: that over death.”
~ The Dreamer, School for Gods
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This brings to mind M. Scott Peck’s People of the Lie. He wasn’t talking so much about a cosmic Matrix as a human one: people who refuse to face the truth about themselves often try to control others instead. That may be one of the most ordinary forms of evil there is.
Dear Alicen,
there's a powerful, occult Law of Secrecy for precisely this reason. It boils down to, "shroud your intended manifestation in secrecy until it has enough momentum behind it to be undeniable."
A part of observing this very useful rule is to limit the circle of people aware of any given project or intention to those who are on the side of free will, and desire to be uplifting and positive, or who are part of the project themselves.
It's essentially the use of the main aspect of conspiracy practice -- secrecy -- for positive purposes. There are excellent reasons that positive secret societies also exist, and why a project such as the printing press was shrouded in total secrecy by Gutenberg and his allies for five years.
Observing this Law has sharply reduced the number of incursions on my Free Will, and increased the number of things I actually accomplish drastically. I encourage anyone to try it and see if it benefits them.