Wow! Congratulations on healing yourself! I've had similar symptoms to yours over the years-- when I looked at those drawings I thought, "yup, I remember that!". I found a doctor who truly cared, and having endometriosis surgery and taking LDN have helped me.
I think there's significant parts of my childhood that I don't remember, that I've reacted to without knowing what they are. For seven years I went to therapy trying to figure it out and found nothing.
However, I did feel totally alone when I got my first periods early in life. I was eleven years old. Until reading this article, I didn't know why my memory of it happening when my underwear had a cute children's cartoon picture on it was so clear, or what that meant. I think I'm starting to understand that after reading this. I remember being in the woods with a bunch of other children-- mostly younger than me, mostly boys-- and being upset that I couldn't go into the creek because I was wearing a pad. Looking back now, that's a powerful symbol. It wasn't a process of being welcomed into a sisterhood of adults, it was just looking at childhood from the outside when I'd always been on the inside. I was also growing really slowly-- at age 13 I weighed 80 lbs and was the smallest person in my class. I don't understand how I got my period before most of the other girls while still looking younger and smaller.
I've read that early periods like that can happen because of emotional disconnections in a family. I know I have significant amounts of generational trauma. I've only started to understand it recently.
I also know that something went horribly WRONG in my home life in the mid '90s. I don't know what it was. I've asked my parents and they both blame the other one or blame my dad's job. Something tells me it goes deeper than that.
I have very distant relationships with my brothers despite being inseparable from them during early childhood. I've never been able to navigate romantic relationships until fairly recently. My first time actually enjoying sex was about 2 months ago. It took until age 37 and a surgery for endo for that to happen.
I straight up asked one of my doctors if stress could have caused this because the endo symptoms got SO MUCH worse during the lockdowns-- which is saying something. She said it mostly likely played a role.
Would love to talk to you about this topic if you're down, especially the symbolism and initiation aspects of it.
Thank you for this essay and shared experience. I relate to parts of it in my own experience and am sad that only after about 30 years of menses am I learning more about all the connected parts of the female experience. Now with my daughter nearing hers I am so happy to see more public discussion around the interconnectedness and complexity of real womanhood.
30 years was the divinely perfect amount of time you needed to arrive at the medicine you're meant to experience and share. No need to be sad, as there was no mistake. I'm glad you're here and that your daughter will get to benefit from your wisdom, just in time.
The medical coldness you describe here is vile and past its sell by date for sure. It deserves a huge kick in the rear!!! You did exactly that with immense grace 🙏🥰
I honestly don't know how I put up with it for so long! Now that I am in charge* of my own healing, I don't have to tolerate feeling violated or bullied by doctors. And I definitely don't have to spend any money or take meds that cause a bunch of gross side effects. I'm free!!!
* I love the phrase "in charge" because, as I learned from Chris Manly (a fellow immortalist), it's a subtle acknowledgment of the fact that humans operate on pure bioelectricity, the most powerful force in this natural world. To say one is "in charge" of one's life is to say one is BIOELECTRIC -- not plugged in to the false power of the Control System.
Indeed❣️ you are free now 🥳 can clearly hear that in your words 😊 and yes the superabundant Bioelectric link to being "in charge" IS most certainly the way to grow/expand for sure. I love it 🙏🙏🙏
I'm an old guy with a grey beard, my eyes started leaking when I came to " I believe you..." Wow, so powerful, thank you for sharing, now for a serious listen... Yah Bless <3
I want to ask, were you vaccinated? They are all bioweapons. Covid jab is a bioweapon on steroids. They can affect any organ of the body. I, too, had horrible cramps for a long time. I was healed after I had my second child by starting on a path of meditation (with a group). As I mentallly healed, I physically healed, and gradually the pain went away.
Wow! Congratulations on healing yourself! I've had similar symptoms to yours over the years-- when I looked at those drawings I thought, "yup, I remember that!". I found a doctor who truly cared, and having endometriosis surgery and taking LDN have helped me.
I think there's significant parts of my childhood that I don't remember, that I've reacted to without knowing what they are. For seven years I went to therapy trying to figure it out and found nothing.
However, I did feel totally alone when I got my first periods early in life. I was eleven years old. Until reading this article, I didn't know why my memory of it happening when my underwear had a cute children's cartoon picture on it was so clear, or what that meant. I think I'm starting to understand that after reading this. I remember being in the woods with a bunch of other children-- mostly younger than me, mostly boys-- and being upset that I couldn't go into the creek because I was wearing a pad. Looking back now, that's a powerful symbol. It wasn't a process of being welcomed into a sisterhood of adults, it was just looking at childhood from the outside when I'd always been on the inside. I was also growing really slowly-- at age 13 I weighed 80 lbs and was the smallest person in my class. I don't understand how I got my period before most of the other girls while still looking younger and smaller.
I've read that early periods like that can happen because of emotional disconnections in a family. I know I have significant amounts of generational trauma. I've only started to understand it recently.
I also know that something went horribly WRONG in my home life in the mid '90s. I don't know what it was. I've asked my parents and they both blame the other one or blame my dad's job. Something tells me it goes deeper than that.
I have very distant relationships with my brothers despite being inseparable from them during early childhood. I've never been able to navigate romantic relationships until fairly recently. My first time actually enjoying sex was about 2 months ago. It took until age 37 and a surgery for endo for that to happen.
I straight up asked one of my doctors if stress could have caused this because the endo symptoms got SO MUCH worse during the lockdowns-- which is saying something. She said it mostly likely played a role.
Would love to talk to you about this topic if you're down, especially the symbolism and initiation aspects of it.
You are so beautiful. Wow. So beautiful. Thank you for being brave!
Thank you for this essay and shared experience. I relate to parts of it in my own experience and am sad that only after about 30 years of menses am I learning more about all the connected parts of the female experience. Now with my daughter nearing hers I am so happy to see more public discussion around the interconnectedness and complexity of real womanhood.
30 years was the divinely perfect amount of time you needed to arrive at the medicine you're meant to experience and share. No need to be sad, as there was no mistake. I'm glad you're here and that your daughter will get to benefit from your wisdom, just in time.
Thank you for sharing this, I'm glad you have healed yourself with self love. I'm going to show my friend I think it might help him with his PTSD.
Thank you for reading, and for sharing. Sending so much love to your friend 🫂
The medical coldness you describe here is vile and past its sell by date for sure. It deserves a huge kick in the rear!!! You did exactly that with immense grace 🙏🥰
I honestly don't know how I put up with it for so long! Now that I am in charge* of my own healing, I don't have to tolerate feeling violated or bullied by doctors. And I definitely don't have to spend any money or take meds that cause a bunch of gross side effects. I'm free!!!
* I love the phrase "in charge" because, as I learned from Chris Manly (a fellow immortalist), it's a subtle acknowledgment of the fact that humans operate on pure bioelectricity, the most powerful force in this natural world. To say one is "in charge" of one's life is to say one is BIOELECTRIC -- not plugged in to the false power of the Control System.
Indeed❣️ you are free now 🥳 can clearly hear that in your words 😊 and yes the superabundant Bioelectric link to being "in charge" IS most certainly the way to grow/expand for sure. I love it 🙏🙏🙏
I'm an old guy with a grey beard, my eyes started leaking when I came to " I believe you..." Wow, so powerful, thank you for sharing, now for a serious listen... Yah Bless <3
Oh goodness, thank you for being open to my words 💓
I want to ask, were you vaccinated? They are all bioweapons. Covid jab is a bioweapon on steroids. They can affect any organ of the body. I, too, had horrible cramps for a long time. I was healed after I had my second child by starting on a path of meditation (with a group). As I mentallly healed, I physically healed, and gradually the pain went away.
Proudly NOT vaccinated for anything in 9 years! I'm so glad you've found healing through meditation. What a precious gift 🥰
Thank you for sharing. Your body and soul are very blessed to have you as their kind and fierce protector. xxoo
🥹🥺😭 thank you, what a beautiful thing to say
This is beautiful, your sharing this journey to find, love and cherish your self, your own body.
Thank you for witnessing 🫂💓
Thank you for sharing... 🙏❤🙏